guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
