I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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