Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
