First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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