Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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