life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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