Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
