whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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