you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
