hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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