it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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