Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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