what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
