I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
