My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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