suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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