Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
