Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
