i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
