'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Mom said you looked used
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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