8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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