its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
