3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My vagina just clenched in fear
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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