OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
