WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
