Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
