Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
