Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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