My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
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Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
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Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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