I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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