tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
