so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
