I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
