Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
