take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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