So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside