So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
