My Higher Power is John Stamos
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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