it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
