I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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