i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
