I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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