butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Someone signed my nipple.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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