Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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