i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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