She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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