i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
