Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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