no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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