im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
