Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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