I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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