Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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