I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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