hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
