She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Duck Duck Cougar?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
