Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
