I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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