He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
