yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
