Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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