I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
