Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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