I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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