so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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