Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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