She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
