If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
