I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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