when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
