I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
