found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
