So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
