Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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