fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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