Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
