That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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