Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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