We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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