I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
