New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
