I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
