Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
